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Ladies OnlinI Want a Mommy Salary,Should women be given a salary for their work at home?
Forget the &8220;push present,&8221; I&8217;d much rather get a paycheck that shows me my work in the house and with the children is not just valued by my husband, but that he realizes and acknowledges that my time spent raising our children is just as important as his working time. And that it is inherently valuable and worth being compensated.
And I&8217;m not the only one. In an interview withCNN, Wendy Luhabe, Chancellor of the University of Johannesburg and an international thought leader, says that women who give up careers to stay home and raise their children should be paid a salary.
Luhabe suggests that allocating a salary equal to 10% of the woman&8217;s husband&8217;s income would help assuage the resentment that some women feel at having to make the choice to stay home and would give more value to bringing up children in our society.
I can attest from personal experience that it really does.
Back in the more fiscally happy times of 2005 , I convinced my husband that I would be a lot happier and satisfied at home if I was given a &8220;stipend.&8221; I had become convinced (real or imagined, they were my feelings at the time) that the source of my restlessness and dissatisction at home all stemmed from the awkward position of being so completely financially dependent on him and feeling like I needed to &8220;account&8221; for everything I purchased. I wanted to have some disposable cash that I could spend on myself, or anyone else, without feeling like I was depriving anyone else in the house of something they needed or that I would have to explain why I thought I had to have it.
When I received my first check, in the form of a special envelope tucked among the needles of our Christmas tree, it was truly one of the best presents I ever received. Not only was it a means to some financial freedom, it showed that my husband appreciated where I was coming from with the request and valued my contribution to the household more than a &8220;thank you&8221; &8211; no matter how sincere &8211; could ever show. I&8217;d love to say I was above it, but&8230; I&8217;m not. Getting paid always makes work feel more valuable.
Maybe some women will find this idea crass, others might prefer the more traditional thank you present. De Beers&8217; has done a great job pounding the idea into our brains that really great men show appreciation for their wives with diamonds,Ugg Boots Store after all. Well, both would be nice,&8230; but I&8217;ll settle on the money, thank you. Just enough to let me get a few things a year without having to run it through the budget-approval process that always seems to come down to the basic question: Is it something you want or is it something you need? A buzzkill question for anyone who has ever looked at a new laptop longingly, knowing that they could probably eke another year out of the old one.
Luhabe succinctly points out that &8220;money is the currency that we use to define value of a contribution to the world,&8221; and continues, &8220;so why shouldn&8217;t we do the same for the work of bringing up children, which I think is probably the most important contribution that the world should be valuing.&8221; Luhabe takes the argument well past the resentment issue, though, by wrapping together the technology and social media revolution that is sweeping the world right now and the societal shift that could happen if the contributions of women properly bringing up children were recognized and fully understood to be the basis of a &8220;much healthier society, a more stable society.&8221;
Together, she says, it could be &8221;an invitation for women to offer our experience, to offer our wisdom, to offer our leadership in a world that is riddled with moral bankruptcy&8230; and provide leadership in a world that is desperate for some direction.&8221;
I love her idealist view of a woman-run world, but that leaves the children in whose care, exactly? A whole lot of change needs to occur before we figure out all the world&8217;s issues Ugg Boots For Cheap, but until then, I&8217;ll be at home. Doing my best to raise healthy, happy children that can carry on the good fight. And spending some of my hard-earned &8220;mommy money&8221; to keep the economy afloat.
Photo Credit: © Pavel Losevsky &8211; Fotolia.com
My wife already had to convince me to have kids. If on top of me paying for everything for the kids, and suffering from the reduced quality of life we have due to that, and the ct we only have one salary, I also had to pay extra to my wife, that would have been a dealbreaker.
Ladies, if you want to try that, make sure not to mention it until you&8217;re pregnant.
For random purchases (not groceries, toiletries, clothing, etc.), my husband and I both have &8216;discretionary funds,&8217; one for each of us, which is the same amount of money and which can be spent on anything we want,buy fashion handbags saved up or blown on bubblegum, without comment from the other spouse. Anything purchases which go beyond that is discussed, no matter who is purchasing it. For me, I think a stipend from my husband would feel a bit patronizing, but this way we both recognize that the money coming into the house is mily money, to be dispersed among the various mily accounts, since we both contribute to the mily. When we both get an &8216;allowance,&8217; it feels ir.
The way we handle it is there are already budget line items that pretty much cover what I would want &8220;mommy money&8221; for. I have a clothing budget line, a beauty care budget line, and we can buy the occasional off budget item without consulting each other so long as it is under a certain number we have agreed to. It is a two way street, there are also &8220;daddy dollar&8221; line items so he doesn&8217;t need to check with me every time he wants to buy something. We then sit down and do our budget together. He and I both account for every dollar we spend. Not as a gotcha or a guilt trip, but because we recognize that we have certain financial goals we want to achieve and it is easier to get there together. I got married to have a partner, not an adversary that I needed to outmaneuver.
Wow&8230;so much is wrong with all of this. 10% of the husband&8217;s income? That&8217;s a joke. If you start actually attaching a financial value to being a mom, you&8217;ll quickly see that any sum average folks would be able to &8220;pay&8221; is paltry. As an adult woman who is aware of our household finances, doesn&8217;t overspend, and makes some of my own money (although he makes the majority), I would find it extremely offensive to have to account to my husband details on what I spend. I&8217;m a grown up Buy Ugg Boots Cheap, he knows it, I don&8217;t spend more than we bring in, so he doesn&8217;t ask. He trusts me. He doesn&8217;t need to give me an allowance like I am 12. GIB, I feel sorry for your wifey (and kids). If someone has to be convinced to have kids and feel their quality of life is diminished by it (suffering!), they probably really shouldn&8217;t have kids.
Whatevs That is perfect! I now feel like a total dullard for not thinking of that myself, but commonsense solutions have, sadly, never been my strong suit. We did away with the &8220;stipend&8221; a few years ago because of the economic downturn, but I still miss having that extra bit set aside. I am going to propose your solution to my OH and see what he says. : )
Gib&8230;. Wow. I feel sorry for your wife and kids. You should never have agreed to have kids unless you wanted them too. I hope for your sake you treat your kids well. They will be adults someday and the tables will be turned as you grow old. Just keep in mind that you will reap what you sow.
I&8217;m not entirely comfortable with the idea of quantifying &8220;&8230;.the contributions of women properly bringing up children&8230;&8221; first, who decides what &8220;properly&8221; means? second, just because a mom stays home doesn&8217;t mean she alone is &8220;bringing up&8221; the children and that the dad is not&8230;these are private issues and private matters that are best dealt with within mily structures&8230;the notion that raising children a certain way will be good for society or not is more of a side issue&8230;my idea of what constitutes good parenting may not be the same as others&8230;some strive for compliance, others for free thinkingness, etc. etc. etc.
Whatevs This is precisely what my husband and I do. It has worked extremely well for us so r for our almost four years of marriage &8211; I worked outside the home before I had our first child, but his earning power was a lot more than mine even when I worked. We reset our discretionary funds at the beginning of each month. Both of us are frugal anyway, unless we walk into a bookstore or log onto Amazon.
My husband & I do what Whatevs does. My oldest is 11,Cheap Ugg Boots & we came up with this plan before he was born. It&8217;s nice because we both have to consult each other on the joint purchases. (Not groceries & that sort of thing.) And then we can do what we want with our own $. We each get paid every 2 weeks, when my husband gets paid. It works out really well.
Oh, I treat my wife and daughter great. I love them heaps, and they get all of my time. It&8217;s because of that, that I feel like they can&8217;t demand anything extra than I get.
If I was some scumbag ther than didn&8217;t really care about their kid, then I&8217;d just throw my wife some money to keep her happy and out of my hair. I see plenty like that on Jerry Springer type shows&8230;..
this idea strikes me as odd, at best. when you marry, under the law, all new earnings become marital. your husband doesn&8217;t have to pay you a salary, since all of his income belongs to the mily, not to him alone. my husband earns 100% income in our mily right now but dislikes his job. we all make choices in a marriage so i&8217;m not sure why taking care of the kids is somehow held up as a sacrifice over and above working outside the home.
daria Like I said, right or wrong, those were my feelings at the time. I&8217;ll be the first to hold up my hand if asked &8220;Who&8217;s got money issues?&8221; and would be happy to discuss more thoroughly in a much more anonymous forum. ; )
Even though I have an MBA and used to work in bank handling a substantial budget, I let my husband handle all of our finances. We sit down twice a year and he shows me where our savings are, how we&8217;re doing, how much debt we have (mortgage only now yay!) and we work out a household budget. Other than that I trust him completely. I refuse to subscribe to the &8220;all men are evil bastards who will leave you and your chidlren to starve on the street&8221; mentality.
We discuss all purchases over $100 with each other, and every week he puts a certain amount of cash in my wallet that is mine to spend Sale Ugg Boots, save, share, donate any way I like. I have friends who literally have to ask their spouses for coffee money, and that is just humiliating and unacceptable to me. My husband would never do that.
He also knows that this is a situation that will not last forever. I am planning on heading back to work when my youngest is five, and I will be stepping back into a six figure salary, because my qualifications are still in huge demand. Knowing that paying me isn&8217;t permanent probably helps, but yeah, he has to pay me, meaning give me money from the mily income that is mine to spend as I like.
amy, i completely get it. i have those moments too; however, you should remind yourself that raising children is an absolutely worthy choice and that your husband is not the only contributor to the mily, simply because he&8217;s the only one the money.
Wow, outside of Peggy Bundy on Married&8230;with Children, I didn&8217;t know that this was a real issue. When I was with my ex-hubby, we each got 10% of the mily after bills profit to do what we will,Sale Ugg Boots Australia no questions asked.
daria And it took a year of therapy for me to get to exactly that same space in my head! I grew up without the &8220;extra&8221; money that my husband and I enjoy, so it is a weird space to have to figure out how to live comfortably in. At least for me, it was. 
I can definitely see how having a &8220;paycheck&8221; would be appealing simply because that&8217;s one of the things I like BEST about being a mother that works outside of the home.
Back when economic times were REALLY hard on us a few years ago, we created an &8220;allowance&8221; system where we each got $100 per month to do whatever we like &8211; go out to eat, buy clothes, buy music or makeup or books or a round of golf. Even though we were both working, it really helped us feel like it was &8220;our&8221; money.
We&8217;ve always had a joint account and all of it is &8220;our&8221; monLadies Onlineey whether I happen to work at a particular time or not. We shop for luxuries when we know we can afford it, I&8217;ve never had to ask permission to buy new boots
Anon, I&8217;m a working married man with a working married wife. My &8216;allowance&8217; is equal to 6% of my salary.
And you think 10% is too low??
Should I be insulted that you think someone getting paid more than me is getting ripped off? Or have I misunderstood and you&8217;re arguing that I&8217;m underpaid too?
Because, if anything, I&8217;d say I&8217;m probably a bit high. You really think I&8217;m LOW?
I can vouch for the allowance idea, much like Whatevs. We each had separate accounts into which we paid equal amounts and we could use it for whatever we wished. We started doing this before we got married, and the entire time I worked full-time before kids. As part of the mily budget, my retirement accounts must have the maximum amount deposited per year, just like he does with his 401k through work. This system has worked for us for 15 years.
Gib&8230;. It is still sad that you view your daughter as a reduced quality of life. I hope you are a good enough actor that she doesn&8217;t know. How sad for her.
Wow, Gib, aren&8217;t you a catch! Eww.
My husband makes almost all of the money for our mily. We just have the one bank account Ugg Boots Cheap Sale, and we view everything in it as OUR money. He places a very high value on what I contribute to our mily. We discuss our budget from time to time to keep ourselves on track. I don&8217;t need to have an allowance, because all of the money belongs to all of us, and I am motivated to be careful so we won&8217;t end up in trouble.
Jeff&8230;I don&8217;t think adults need to be given an &8220;allowance&8221;&8230;my husband and I buy what we want, within reason&8230;say my husband&8217;s salary is 100K and, according to the premise of the Babble post my &8220;paycheck&8221; then for being a mom is 10K? Yeah, not good. My point is you can&8217;t really put a &8220;paycheck&8221; on being a mom, and then, just because my husband works doesn&8217;t mean he doesn&8217;t do thering, either, so does he then pay himself for the time he thers? It&8217;s too much tit for tat for me in mily life, in which, per my view, is supposed to flow from love and a sense of responsibility&8230;
Ugh, this is an awful article. Not the idea of having money, getting money,Bags Wholesale sharing money, etc, but the idea that you at home raising children equals feeling like you can&8217;t spend money because it&8217;s earned by your husband. I truly believe something is amiss in the marriage or your perceptions if you do not feel an equal partner in spending decisions no matter whose name is on the paycheck.
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